Turning Gay in the Grave
Catherine Idalette Johnston, deceased mother of the infamous Westboro Baptist Church’s (“WBC”) founder, Fred “God Hates Fags” Phelps, was officially “turned gay” on July 14 after the New York-based Satanic Temple performed two “Pink Masses” over her grave.
Much in the same way that Mormons perform posthumous baptisms, believing that they “give the deceased, who exist in the afterlife as conscious spirits, a final chance to join the Mormon fold, and thus gain access to the Celestial Kingdom,” the Satanic Temple’s Pink Mass gives one’s dearly departed a chance to, for eternity, play for the other team.
According to Satanic Temple spokesperson and Pink Mass officiant, Lucien Greaves:
The idea for the Pink Mass ceremony and website came during the aftermath of the tragic Boston Marathon bombings, during which time the WBC were threatening to protest the funerals of the bombing victims. Members of The Satanic Temple were in Boston, waiting for them, but they failed to show. Later, the WBC issued a statement that they had been present ‘in spirit’. We decided that a same-sex couple celebrating ceremony at the grave-site of Fred Phelps’s mother was an appropriate way to meet the Westboro Baptists, ‘in spirit’, but this time on our terms.”
Supporters of freedom, legal equality for same-sex couples, and the pursuit of happiness for all people, the much maligned Satanic Temple stated that the Masses were conducted in honor of those values, and that the actions were meant to convey a message of love in the face of hate.
Now that Phelps’ mother is a lesbian in the hereafter, her gravesite could potentially become a target for one of the WBC’s anti-gay protests. Greaves went on to say:
We believe that Fred Phelps is obligated to believe that his mother is now gay in the afterlife. Further, if beliefs are inviolable rights, nobody has the right to challenge our right to believe that Fred Phelps believes that his mother is now gay.”
Other same-sex couples are encouraged to travel to the Magnolia cemetery in Mississippi to perform their own Pink Mass or just to show their affections. Once a Pink Mass has been performed, every time a same-sex couple kisses over the newly gay gravesite, it is said that the deceased will be pleasured in the afterlife.
Who says experimentation is purely for the living?
As an organized religion, the Satanic Temple feels it is their function to actively provide outreach, to lead by example, and to participate in public affairs that might benefit from “rational, Satanic insights.” Which brings us to another reason for the Satanic Temple’s Pink Mass: to raise awareness and funds so they may participate in the New York City Department of Transportation’s Adopt-a-Highway program. You can learn more about the program; show your civic pride and “support religious diversity” by donating here.